The Niners were in my backyard this weekend—well, across a couple of rivers and over in New Jersey anyway—but I kinda blew my wad on the whole trip to New Orleans thing, and besides, I’ve never been one to sit out in the cold to watch a football game. So instead of schlepping to the Meadowlands with my fellow NYC Niner fan crew (see video about us here), I curled my lazy ass up in bed and watched it on my laptop. I was warm. Here are a couple of awards.
The Emmitt Smith Award (Most Hated Opponent) and the Adam Walker Award (Player Most Responsible for Defeat): Eli Manning
Tee hee, this one’s great
How the hell did this guy beat us at Candlestick in the NFC Championship Game? (Oh yeah: Kyle Williams.) And how did he beat Tom Brady in two Super Bowls? I’ll never understand it. The doofy looking younger Manning brother has pretty much always sucked, but man, this was the worst he’s ever looked. He threw five interceptions, and while Borland’s two picks could maybe be forgiven (Borland got a great break on the first ball, and the second one was tipped—and also, he’s Chris Borland, which I’ll expand upon in a second), the other three turnovers were all on throws that were among the worst you’ll ever see an NFL QB make. Did each of these terrible passes bring me a level of pleasure that bordered on sexual ecstasy? Um … never mind. Let’s move along.
The Emperor Norton Award (San Francisco Folk Hero): Chris Borland
Emperor Norton was a 19th-century San Francisco resident who declared himself Emperor of the United States and wandered the City making proclamations and stopping race riots in Chinatown. He became so beloved in SF that there is a movement to name the Bay Bridge after him. The point is, if Borland keeps playing like this, we’re going to have to make him emperor or name some shit after him. On Sunday he had 13 more tackles (that’s 48 in the last three weeks), two of those for loss, and had those two interceptions, including one on a crucial fourth down play inside the 10-yard line in the fourth quarter.
Borland jumping a route for his first interception
I have no explanation for this Borland thing. At this point, if you told me he could turn water into wine, I wouldn’t even question it, I’d just go get glasses. Trade Willis, trade Bowman. Borland will save us all.
BORLAND!!!!!
(Obviously I’m kidding about trading Willis and Bowman. But not the rest.)
The Al Davis Award (Dysfunctional Football Team): The Santa Clara Raiders
You want some Santa Clara Raiders shit? Let’s talk about the Niners’ first four drives, all of which went deep into Giants territory and ended in, in order: fumble, field goal, field goal, field goal. I can’t … with these stalled drives … I just can’t. Or let’s talk about Michael Crabtree dropping a crucial fourth-quarter third-down pass and almost letting the Giants back in the game. Or let’s talk about Harbaugh challenging two plays only to have them both upheld (at this point, they should just confiscate his red flags).
On second thought, let’s all agree not to talk about any of this.
And so, in this season of four-Anchor performances, the Niners once again got a classic four-Anchor, play-ugly-but-somehow-win-anyway showing yesterday. They should have blown the Giants out in the first half, but because their offense gets constipated in the red zone, they didn’t cash in their opportunities, and they let the Giants hang around. Frankly, given those missed opportunities and how wide they left the door open for New York, they should have lost this game. Only the greatness of Borland and the abyss of suck that is Eli Manning saved them.
The good news is that the win bumped San Francisco’s record up to 6-4, putting them into a tie with Seattle and back into playoff contention. And with what should be an easy win over the Washington Team That Shall Not Be Named next week, they’re poised to be 7-4 going into the Thanksgiving night home game against the Seabitches.
That game won’t be stressful or anything. (Excuse me while I drawn myself in a pitcher of gravy.)
Longtime readers know that I love New Orleans and will take any chance to head down to the bayou. So, when my buddy Matt texted me a couple of months and asked if I wanted to go to NOLA for Niners-Saints, I said “Hell yeah.” (His response was, “Good, because I already got your ticket.”) And so, on my third trip to the Big Easy, I attended (believe it or not) both my first ever live 49ers game and my first event at the Superdome. What did I take away from the experience? Well, I managed to gain ten pounds and get an ulcer in the same week. I also watched a pretty good football game.
The Kate Hudson Award (Most Dedicated Fans): Saints Fans
I traveled like a thousand miles to attend this game, so maybe I deserve this award, but I wanted to take a moment to give some props to the Saints fans. The Superdome is deafening—when the fans did the “Who Dat” chant at the beginning of the game, I thought the ceiling was gonna collapse—and it’s also a really fun environment to watch a game. It’s a big party, sort of like how people describe SEC games, and while I got a couple of Go homes shouted my way, most of the fans I crossed paths with were very nice.
Why name the award after Kate Hudson? Because these fans love their Saints almost as much as Penny Lane loves Stillwater.
Let’s fast forward to the good stuff. The Niners were up 21-10 at halftime, but let the Saints rally to take a 24-21 lead in the fourth quarter. On fourth and 10, with less than two minutes remaining and the ball at their own 20-yard line, they looked cooked. On the fourth-down play, Kaepernick felt pressure and scrambled out of the pocket, rolling all the way to the right sideline, evading another Saints rusher, and setting his feet. I was sitting high above the end zone the Niners were coming toward, and as Kaep launched a ball deep downfield, I shifted my eyes and let out a gasp; Crabtree was 20 yards behind the nearest Saints DB, on the far side of the field from Kaep. The receiver had to come back for the ball—I’m willing to bet it traveled 70 yards in the air—but he made the catch for a 51-yard gain.
That ball went far
Three plays later, Phil Dawson kicked a tying 45-yard field goal. There’s a pretty good argument to be made that that play saved the season. Either way, it’s a hell of a throw.
The Emmitt Smith Walker Award (Most Hated Opponent): Jimmy Graham
The Saints’ ginger tight end doesn’t get this award for the two touchdowns he scored, but for the one he didn’t. On the final play of regulation, Drew Brees lofted a Hail Mary toward the front right corner of the end zone, and the 6-foot-6 former basketball player leaped into the air to catch a touchdown pass that appeared to win the game and almost made the stadium explode. Only, before the Saints could even begin to celebrate, seemingly every official on the field threw a flag. Why, you ask?
Because Graham blatantly pushed over Perrish Cox right before he made that catch. Then, after the game, Graham whined loudly to anyone who would listen that he hadn’t touched Cox. Sorry, Jimmy, you shoved the guy out of the way. You’re not allowed to do that. And your whining gets you mentioned in the same breath as the hated Emmitt Smith this week.
The Patrick Willis Award (Player Who Kills Motherfuckers in a Patrick Willis–Like Fashion): Chris Borland
For the second week in a row, the scrappy Borland takes home this award, with 17 tackles, two of them for losses, and a clutch overtime fumble recovery that saw him almost dive under a pile to retrieve the ball and set up a game-winning field .
Look at the little guy dive for the ball!
Borland has notched 35 tackles in the last two games. If he kept that pace over a full season, he would collect 270 tackles. No NFL player has even had 200 tackles in a season. That’s just nuts.
Now for the bad news: He’s gonna have to keep it up, because the player he replaced in the lineup, the one whose name bears this award, Patrick Willis, is out for the season after undergoing surgery on the toe that has kept him out of the lineup the last few weeks. If that’s not bad enough, NaVorro Bowman was quoted is still experiencing pain in the knee he hurt in the NFC Championship Game last year. So even though Aldon Smith returns next weekend against the Giants, we’re probably not getting the massive reinforcements we were all hoping for.
But enough sadness. On to more linebacker-inspired joy!
Anyway, let’s start with what happened last year. You know, when Ahmad Brooks sacked Drew Brees late in the fourth quarter and forced a fumble that Willis recovered, sealing a Niners victory … only to have the refs rule that Brooks had hit Brees too high, and then give him a 15-yard penalty. The Saints went on to score and win the game.
The penalty was bullshit, and it had lasting repercussions: The loss meant the Niners finished one game behind the Seabitches, meaning they had to go to Seattle for the NFC Championship Game, a game they lost by the narrowest of margins. I do not think it is at all an exaggeration to say that that penalty cost the Niners the Super Bowl last year.
So, it was extra sweet when, in overtime, Brooks came around the edge and knocked the ball out of Brees’s hand. Borland recovered, and the refs had another chance to screw things up, going to a booth review … but they eventually ruled that Brooks had knocked the ball out before Brees’s arm moved forward.
Lightning doesn’t strike twice, but Brooks brought the thunder
Revenge is a dish best served cold. Like sazeracs and oysters on the half shell. Speaking of which…
The Tennessee Williams Award (For Lovers of New Orleans): Justin Goldman and Matt Berger
Tennessee Williams once wrote that “America has only three cities: New York, San Francisco, and New Orleans. Everywhere else is Cleveland.” I’ve lived in the first two, perhaps America’s most famous cities, and I can say without reservations that New Orleans blows them out of the water.
The French Quarter
What did I love most? The four Po’ Boys (not an exaggeration) I ate in two days? The coastline’s worth of oysters and barrel’s worth of sazeracs (only a slight exaggeration) I also consumed in that time? The bourbon milk punches for breakfast? The awesome jazz band I saw at the Spotted Cat that got pissed because people were watching the LSU game instead of listening to them? The bartender in a pirate hat who served us absinthe? Randomly running into not one, but two friends I hadn’t seen in years? Sitting at the oldest bar in America, Lafitte’s Blacksmith Shop, and singing songs with a piano player who looked like she’d been there for all 300 years? The Du Monde beignets and cafe au lait the morning after?
All of it. I loved all of it. God, I love New Orleans.
This may be an inflated rating, but the reality of the situation is that choking away the Bears and Rams games earlier this year has made it exceedingly likely that the Niners are going to miss the playoffs. So given how crazy and exciting that game was, and the Ahmad Brooks redemption, and that I got to be there for it, and it was in NOLA, that’s getting eight Anchors—pretty much the highest rating a regular season game can get.
Oh, and I’ll wash those Anchors down with another eight sazeracs.
While San Francisco’s baseball team reached the top of the mountain last week, its football team reached the nadir of the likely short-lived Jim Harbaugh era. Let’s take a look at the Niners’ pathetic 13-10 loss to the Rams in Santa Clara on Sunday.
The Adam Walker Award (Player Most Responsible for the Loss): The Offensive Line
Eight sacks. And even on the plays he wasn’t getting sacked, Colin Kaepernick was usually running for his life. This is after giving up six sacks against Denver two weeks ago. Way back in Week One—the last time this team actually looked good—I voiced concern about the Niners offensive line, and things have only gotten worse. The Rams have a good defensive line, led by Robert Quinn and Aaron Donald, but it’s also a front four that lost Chris Long to injury, so they’re not even at full strength. They compensated by repeatedly sending big blitzes, and the Niners never adjusted. I don’t know how much of that is Kaepernick’s fault for not recognizing the blitz packages, but the broadcast crew, at least, seemed to think that it wasn’t on him (John Lynch noted that Kaep barely even had time to set his feet on most plays). And of course, Roman and Harbaugh were unable to muster any effective countermeasures.
As I said to a few different friends during the game, if your O-line’s not good, your team’s not good. The last few years, this team’s biggest strength has been its line play. Blame the injuries, the holdouts, the lack of continuity, whatever, but the bottom line is, the Niners’ O-line has sucked this year.
And that’s not all! Highly regarded rookie Marcus Martin was making his first start at center thanks to Daniel Kilgore’s injury, and that went just swimmingly: three fumbled snap exchanges, including the one on the final play that ultimately cost the Niners the game.
(Honorable Mention: If the Niners had scored on their final possession, this award would have gone to Rams quarterback Austin Davis, whose two interceptions and general inability to read the defense or throw a half-decent pass kept the Niners in the game.)
The Patrick Willis Award (Player Who Kills Motherfuckers in a Patrick Willis–like fashion): Chris Borland
On a podcast at the beginning of the season, Grantland’s excellent lead football writer Bill Barnwell told his colleague Robert Mays that Chris Borland could give the Niners 85% of NaVorro Bowman’s production this year. Mays practically laughed him off the air, and it’s become a running joke for Barnwell to plump for the rookie from Wisconsin, to the point where he suggested that the Niners should make Borland, who is undersized for a linebacker, a two-way player and start him at center for Kilgore.
Pretty much the only play worth getting excited about
You know what? Maybe the Niners should just go ahead and try it. Because after today, I believe in Chris Borland. Filling in for the injured Willis, Borland had 18 tackles, including an impressive body slam of Tre Mason that probably would have been a 15-yard penalty, except the refs surely realized it was too awesome to sully with a flag. That’s the most tackles any player has notched in an NFL game this season. I’m not saying the Niners should ditch P-Willy or Bowman, but it’s nice to see a guy who’s been a punchline get his chance to silence the peanut gallery.
The Al Davis Award (dysfunctional football team): The Santa Clara Raiders
I mean, losing a fumble on the goal line on the last play of the game is the most Santa Clara Raiders play ever, no? There’s not much else to say, is there?
Let’s look at this realistically. At the moment, the Niners are 4-4 and in third place in the NFC West. What’s more, they’re tied for SEVENTH in the conference, and the team they’re tied with (New Orleans, who they’ll be playing next week, with yours truly in attendance at the Superdome) has an extremely easy path to the tournament thanks to the likelihood they’re going to win the terrible NFC South. With Arizona at 7-1, it’s highly unlikely that the Niners are going to win the West, meaning they’d need to qualify for a Wild Card. Now, the other NFC playoff contenders are flawed—the Eagles and Cowboys both have quarterback injuries, the Packers can’t run or stop the run, the Lions are depending on Matthew Stafford, and the Seabitches’ locker room seems to be about as harmonious as the Middle East—but there’s still a pretty good chance that a 10-6 team could miss the playoffs, and this loss may have fucked the Niners’ chances at even getting to 10-6. Given that the team hasn’t really looked good since Week One, I don’t see any reason why we should think the Niners are going to make the playoffs this year. And given the assumption that Jim Harbaugh was probably only getting a massive contract extension if he won the Super Bowl this year, and that he’s not going to want to coach as a lame duck next year, this loss likely signals the beginning of the end of the Harbaugh era—an era we’ll remember as a missed opportunity, in which we went deep into the playoffs three straight years, could have won the Super Bowl in any of them, and instead suffered three straight excruciating season-ending losses.
And you know what? I don’t give a shit.
MadBum
I don’t give a shit because Bruce Bochy’s Giants accomplished what Jim Harbaugh’s Niners failed to. They got deep into the playoffs, and when they had the chance, they dropped the hammer on their opponents. However unfair it is, we’ll look back at the Harbaugh Niners as a failure, because they came up just short. But 30 years from now, I’ll be telling my illegitimate grandchildren how great it was to root for the Giants these last five years. If you’re a Giants fan, you should savor this, because this sort of run is a once-in-a-lifetime thing. It will never get better than this for us.
In 2010 it was dominant pitching from Lincecum and Cain and Wilson and clutch swings from Ross, Uribe, and Renteria.
In 2012 it was Scutaro’s base hits, Vogelsong’s rally enchiladas, Pence’s triple-hit, Sandoval’s homers, and Romo’s strike three.
In 2014, it was Madison Bumgarner. Yeah, there were the Belt, Morse, and Ishikawa homers we’ll remember, the great at-bats from Sandoval, the bullpen heroics of Petit and Affeldt. But this will forever be the postseason when MadBum conquered the world.
This is the greatest it will ever be to be a Giants fan in large part because we just witnessed one of our guys put together the arguably the greatest postseason performance in baseball history. He threw more innings in a single postseason than anyone ever has. He went 4-1, and his only loss was a game in which he had a shutout going until he made a bad throw on a bunt. He pitched 21 innings in the World Series, including a complete game sutout in Game 5 and five shutout innings, on TWO DAYS’ REST, in the highest-leverage situation possible, in Game 7. His career World Series ERA is 0.25. Read that sentence again.
When Bumgarner came into Game 7, a friend of mine and I agreed that we were nervous. He was getting too much hype. He’d never pitched on two-days’ rest before. It seemed ridiculous to assume he was going to be invincible under these circumstances. And then he was. I think most Giants fans were hoping for an inning or two out of him. He threw five. After being a little shaky in his first inning, he settled down and proceeded to throw darts, not even allowing a base runner until Alex Gordon’s heart attack inducing single that Gregor Blanco and Juan Perez turned into a triple. And then MadBum calmly retired Salvador Perez on a foul out to end the game and the World Series.
And it feels so good
The Niners get zero Anchors for their effort this weekend. The Giants? They get the entire motherfucking Anchor Brewery.
And may Potrero Hill smell like malted grain forever
The sports calendar always wraps around on itself, like Ouroboros eating its own tail, but this year it feels particularly interminable for me. Baseball is still going, as the Giants attempt to clinch their third World Series championship in five years tonight (please please please please please Baseball Gods, let the Giants win tonight); and the Niners are smack in the middle of a mediocre season that’s driving me freaking crazy. And if that’s not enough, tonight basketball returns, with a season full of questions and intrigue.
Can the San Antonio Spurs continue to be a mechanical, ageless wonder? Can the Clippers reach their potential and make a run for the title? Will a new coach push Steph “Ghost Pepper” Curry and my beloved Dubs to new heights? What will Russell Westbrook do with Kevin Durant hurt, and does that foot injury mean OKC’s window is getting even more perliously close to shutting? Can Derrick Rose stay healthy? Can Phil Jackson bring the Knicks back to respectability? And … there’s something else I’m forgetting … what could it be?
The biggest story of them all
Oh yeah, can LeBron James, with Kevin Love in tow, bring a championship back to his hometown? I took a glance into my admittedly cloudy and unreliably magic (not magic) 8-ball, and here’s what it told me.
Eastern Conference
1. Cleveland Cavaliers: 63-19
LeBron and the Cavs are doing their best to manage expectations, and this team has some pretty major questions on defense, to go with a first-time NBA coach. And who knows how all the pieces are going to jell. But let’s be serious: This team has LeBron James, Kevin Love, and Kyrie Irving. They’re going to be a freaking juggernaut.
2. Chicago Bulls: 59-23
Maybe it’s not realistic to expect Derrick Rose to stay healthy, but goddammit, I’m not going to predict he’s going to get hurt in this column. I want to watch D-Rose and Noah and Pau battle the Cavs come playoff time, and I think we will.
3. Washington Wizards: 51-31
Love John Wall. Love Bradley Beal. Love Nene. Love The Truth. Love the Polish Hammer. Love this team.
I was looking for the most hilarious Gortat image, but it turns out they’re all hilarious
4. Charlotte Hornets: 49-33
I joked to a buddy during the offseason that the Lance Stephenson signing could end up screwing up both his old AND new teams. As Jalen Rose said on a Grantland podcast about Evan Turner punching Lance last season, “when the other guys on your team let the new guy punch you, it means they all want to, too.” But as much as I’m saying all that, Lance is pretty good at basketball; add him to Kemba Walker and Big Al Jefferson, and I think this Hornets team could be pretty good. Also, the HORNETS are back! Where’s Grandmama?
Grandmama!
5. Toronto Raptors: 48-34
Team looks about the same to me as last year, so I’m predicting the exact same record for them. I don’t have a lot else to say about the T-Dot.
6. Miami Heat: 45-37
Yeah, there’s no LeBron, but Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh are both still pretty good.
7. Atlanta Hawks: 44-38
People forget how good Al Horford is. If he stays healthy, this team has potential: I like Jeff Teague, and the Hawks have a really good coach. They also have one of the most depressing ownership/fanbase situations in the league. You can’t win ’em all, I guess.
8. New York Knicks: 42-40
I have no idea if Derek Fisher is going to be a good coach. I have no idea if Carmelo will take to the triangle. I have no idea why I’m picking this team to make the playoffs.
Interesting Non-Playoff Teams: I just don’t see it with Brooklyn this year: Deron Williams has been mediocre for years, Kevin Garnett is older than time itself, they lost Paul Pierce and Shaun Livingston, and yeah, they get Brook Lopez back this year, but they didn’t start playing well last year until after Lopez got hurt. So I’m not a believer. I am a believer in Stan Van Gundy—but I think he needs a year to sift through his roster and make some moves before Detroit gets back in the playoffs. Indiana makes me sad. And … I have nothing else to say about the Eastern Conference.
Western Conference
1. San Antonio Spurs: 61-21
At this point, I’m writing the Spurs into this slot until Duncan and Popovich are gone.
2. Los Angeles Clippers: 58-24
It’s all set up for the Clips. This is the year they have to make it happen. We know they’ll be a top regular season team, but that doesn’t even matter. It’s NBA Finals or bust for this team.
3. Golden State Warriors: 56-26
It’s going to be a little hard for me to watch this team at first, just because every time I look at Klay Thompson, I’m going to see Kevin Love, and then I’m going to start bleeding from my eyeballs. But with that said, I think this team underachieved last year, and I think that was largely because Mark Jackson wasn’t a very good coach. We don’t know about Steve Kerr yet, but I have faith that he’s going to put in an offense that will make the best use of his weapons and use a rotation that gives his players their best chance to succeed. And I love the Shaun Livingston signing—I think he’s the third guard they were missing last year. The three seed may seem a bit high for this team, but that’s largely because…
4. Oklahoma City Thunder: 55-27
The Durant injury isn’t going to sink this team, but it will bump them far enough down in the standings to make their road tougher come playoff time. In some ways, though, it might help them: Durant played an insane amount of minutes last year, so if he misses 20 games, it might help him be fresher in May and June. Also, it’ll be fun to see Westbrook be the lead dog for a couple of months (Grantland’s Zach Lowe predicted Russ will be leading the league in scoring when Durant comes back). But god help the Thunder if he gets hurt too (remember, he had three knee surgeries last year).
5. Memphis Grizzlies: 54-28
This team won 50 games last year even though their best player, Marc Gasol, missed a big chunk of the season. They’re gonna be really good again. Besides, aren’t the Grizz and the Thunder destined to play a brutal seven-game series in the playoffs every year?
6. Dallas Mavericks: 53-29
Love Dirk. Love Monta. Love Tyson Chandler. Love Carlisle. This was one of the funnest teams in the league to watch last year, and they were the team that came the closest to beating the Spurs in the playoffs last year.
7. Houston Rockets: 51-31
It’s weird, I think Chandler Parsons is really overrated, but I also think the Rockets are gonna miss him. They let him and Jeremy Lin walk because they thought they were getting Bosh, only to have Bosh stay in Miami, and then their big addition was Trevor Ariza, who is, um, not that good. I don’t blame Houston for taking their shot at Bosh, but they kinda fucked themselves to do it. Also, I will always pick against Dwight Howard, the most obnoxious superstar (other than Kobe) in the NBA.
8. Portland Trail Blazers: 50-32
I love Rip City, and Oakland’s own Damian Lillard is my favorite non-Steph Curry player in the league.
I think they’re still a playoff team, but everything went right for them last year, and I think that they’ll have a little bit of regression this season.
Interesting Non-Playoff Teams: If Anthony Davis makes the true superstar leap (and I think he’s going to), you could talk me into New Orleans sneaking into the playoffs. Phoenix is so entertaining, but I still think they’re gonna be stuck in the lottery in the brutal Western Conference. And to Lakers fans, I’ll repeat what I said last year: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA! FUCK YOU! I’m the guy eating cotton candy and wearing a party hat at your fucking funeral.
Of course, most of what I just wrote doesn’t really matter, because NBA legacies are decided in The Playoffs:
Eastern Conference First Round:
Cavs vs. Knicks: Cavs in 5. Knicks get the one game where Melo scores 45, but otherwise this series is a massacre.
Bulls vs. Hawks:Bulls in 6, in a series that I actually think would be pretty competitive (if a defensive slugfest).
Wizards vs. Heat: Miami’s got the experience, but Washington’s got the depth and athleticism to take down the Heat. Wizards in 5.
Hornets vs. Raptors: This one would be pretty good. Toronto narrowly lost to Brooklyn when Paul Pierce blocked a Kyle Lowry shot at the buzzer in game 7 in Toronto. This year, I think the Drakes are able to close out a series in front of their crazed fans. Raptors in 6.
Eastern Conference Second Round:
Cavs vs. Raptors:Cavs in 4, in a bloodletting
Bulls vs. Wizards: The Wiz took down Chicago in the first round last year, but that’s because the Bulls didn’t have anyone who could score. This year? They’ll have Derrick Rose and Pau Gasol. Bulls in 6.
Eastern Conference Finals:
Cavs vs. Bulls: Please, please, please Basketball Gods, allow this to happen. A series between these two teams, if fully healthy, would be incredible. So who would take it? I think back to the last time Rose was 100 percent for a playoff series, and how LeBron locked him down on defense, and I have to pick the Cavs in 7.
Western Conference First Round:
Spurs vs. Blazers: This one should look a lot like their second-round series last year. Spurs in 5.
Clippers vs. Rockets: LA has way more horses than Houston does. Clips in 5.
Dubs vs. Mavs: Oh, this would be so delightful. Two likable, entertaining teams with playoff history.
You know Monta would win Dallas one game by himself, but the combo of Ghost Pepper Curry and homecourt advantage means Dubs in 7.
Thunder vs. Grizzlies: It’s always so fun when these two teams play. OKC narrowly survived Memphis last year, and I think, assuming they’ve got everyone healthy, it’ll probably be about the same this year. Thunder in 7.
Western Conference Second Round:
Spurs vs. Thunder: As great as the Spurs are, they also got all the breaks last year. OKC is still the team that matches up with them the best, and with Durant hopefully fresher and Ibaka and Westbrook healthy, I think we’ll see Thunder in 6.
Clippers vs. Dubs: I’ll always believe the Dubs would have beaten the Clippers in the first round last year if Bogut hadn’t been hurt. I know Bogut tends to get hurt often, but I’m gonna go ahead and cross my fingers and believe they’ll have him for the playoffs this year. Dubs in 6.
Western Conference Finals:
Dubs vs. Thunder: I just … if this happens … I’ll lose my mind. It would be incredible. I don’t even have any analysis. This would be a two-week basketball orgasm. Unfortunately for me and all the Dubs fans out there, Durant’s the guy who’ll have the money shot. Thunder in 6.
NBA Finals
LeBron vs. Durant in the finals, as it should be. I know it’s insane to pick Cleveland to win the title this year, but if my predictions come through, they’ll have homecourt in game 7, and that will be enough for LeBron to bring it on home.
Since the Niners decided not to show up for last night’s game, I’m not going to spend much time on this. Frankly, even the ten minutes I do spend on this is more than that shitty effort deserves.
The Al Davis Award (dysfunctional football team): The Santa Clara Raiders
How about the first four possessions: Three-and-out, missed field goal, three-and-out, and a made short field goal because Anquan Boldin dropped a sure touchdown?
How about Vernon Davis dropping a pass on a seam route, continuing his man-with-no-hands routine from last week?
How about Harbaugh settling for field goal attempts in the first half on two fourth-and-shorts, when he should have known the Niners were going to need to score 40 points to win this game?
How about all the sacks given up by the O-line? I don’t know the final number, because, again, I stopped watching at halftime.
How about the defense repeatedly leaving Denver’s receivers wide open downfield, allowing Peyton Manning to set the touchdown record against them before the end of the first half?
How about leaving Kaepernick, by far the team’s most indispensable player, in to keep taking hits in the fourth quarter of an unwinnable game?
I know the Niners have tons of injuries, I know the Broncos are good, and I know this game was in Denver, but come the fuck on. That was the most Santa Clara Raiders performance in this Santa Clara Raiders season.
The Joe Buck Award (Most Hated Broadcaster): Cris Collinsworth
I don’t blame Collinsworth for being a terrible broadcaster. I mean, it must be really hard to spend three hours talking when Peyton Manning’s balls are in your mouth the entire time.
The Emmitt Smith Award (Most Hated Opponent): Peyton Manning
Not the greatest QB ever
Games like this give morons like Collinsworth more ammunition for their ridiculous claim that Manning’s the best quarterback of all time. Yes, he’s had tons of huge seasons and thrown for a gazillion yards and touchdowns. He’s also repeatedly choked in big games, from his four interception visit to Foxborough in 2004 to the Tracy Porter Super Bowl pick-six in 2010 to the abominable blowout loss to the Seabitches this past February. Shit, the quarterback who was most responsible for Manning’s one Super Bowl ring was Rex Grossman, whose horrendous performance in Super Bowl XLI ensured the Colts would win the title.
You know who didn’t repeatedly choke in big games? You know who went 4-0 in the Super Bowl, who was great in the regular season and then statistically raised the level of his play in the playoffs?
When I was a freshman in college, pre-legal-drinking-age, I once cadged a twelve pack of Rolling Rocks and took it over to a friend’s house. When I handed the twelver to my buddy, he dropped it, and one of the bottles broke. As the precious alcohol began to leak out of the cardboard box, my buddy held the case up over his mouth to catch the dripping cheap beer. Along with the Rolling Rock, shards of broken glass flowed into his mouth. That seems like an appropriate beverage for this game.
The Giants, though? The Giants win the pennant, and they get a full twelve-pack of delicious Anchor Steam Beer.
That’s what clutch looks like, Manning. World Series starts Tuesday.
Teams from San Francisco beat teams from St. Louis. Putting aside baseball considerations for now, let’s look at the Niners’ 31-17 victory over the Rams.
The Al Davis Award (dysfunctional football team): The Santa Clara Raiders
The first half of this game was pure Santa Clara Raiders shit. There were stupid penalties and a bad turnover, the defense was getting carved by Austin freaking Davis, the clock management was abominable, and the Niners settled for a field goal the only time they had a sustained possession in Rams territory. For 23-and-a-half minutes, this team was so bad, I think they killed my fucking dog. And then…
On third-and-long, on what was the Niners last offensive play of the first half one way or the either, Colin Kaepernick dropped back and threw a strike up the left sideline to the single-covered Brandon Lloyd, who had somehow got five yards behind Rams corner Janoris Jenkins. Lloyd did the rest.
According to the broadcast, it was the first time since the 1970 AFL-NFL merger that a team had scored on a touchdown pass that long with less than 30 seconds on the clock. It was glorious, and given how bad the Niners looked throughout the first half, given that a loss would have dropped SF to 3-3 in a brutally tough division and conference, and given that the Niners have to go to Denver next week for a game they’re not real likely to win, I do not think it’s an exaggeration to say that Brandon Lloyd—who sat out last year, is the same age as me, and wasn’t exactly a lock to make the team this preseason—may have saved San Francisco’s season.
The Justin Smith Award (Big Guys Who Break Things): Ahmad Brooks and Dan Skuta
Ahmad Brooks is a beast
Specifically, Brooks and Skuta broke the Rams’ quarterback and offensive line. With Aldon Smith still suspended, the team has needed these two linebackers to step up, and on Monday night the combined for four sacks, three tackles for loss, two deflected passes, and three quarterback hits. They were in the Rams’ backfield throughout the second half, and they deserve the bulk of the credit for the defense’s complete shutdown the Rams after the half.
The Jekyll and Hyde Award (Schizophrenic Player Whose Inconsistent Performances Are Probably Going to Put Me in the Grave): Colin Kaepernick
Kaep threw for his best yardage total since Week One of last season, and made a number of stellar plays, including the strike to Lloyd. He also made two of the more ridiculous throws you’ll ever see, scrambling and then throwing high and far back across the field—something you’re not ever supposed to do. Of course, the first one went for a touchdown to Anquan Boldin.
Apparently emboldened, in the fourth quarter Kaepernick attempted a similar play. He was rolling right and as he was being tackled by Rams defensive lineman William Hayes, he threw a ball back across the field about 50 yards straight up in the air. Joe Staley batted the ball down, and Hayes ended up getting flagged for a horse collar penalty, but this was one of the stupidest throws I’ve ever seen a quarterback make. I don’t really have a point here, except to say that Kaepernick gives me an ulcer.
Given how bad the Niners were in the first half, I don’t think this can get more than four Anchors. Let’s be honest, it’s been a four Anchor season so far. Still, they did win a divisional road game, and if the playoffs started today, they would be in, and both Seattle and Green Bay would be out. That’s pretty sweet. Better enjoy it while it lasts, because their final game before the bye is at Denver next Sunday night, and with a toe injury likely to keep Patrick Willis sidelined, Brooks will be the only member of our four Pro Bowl linebackers in the lineup. This is not going to be pleasant.
Also, fuck St. Louis. Shut it down tonight MadBum.
I approve of your technique, sir, if not your chosen beverage
You know how newspapers write obituaries for famous people and keep them on file, waiting for the celebrities to die? Well, I knew this day was going to come, but I didn’t do that. I couldn’t bring myself to write this until I absolutely had to.
I was watching the Niners game at a crowded bar last night. At halftime, I noticed I had a voicemail from my mom. I went outside to check it and the message was short, simply Mom saying, in a somber tone, “you need to give me a call.” I knew right away.
This photo has been the screen saver on my phone for at least five years
Sasha came into my life because my sister took a road trip. In 2004, she drove up to Oregon in her beater Mazda pickup truck. She stopped at a cafe in Rogue River, and happened to see an ad in a paper that someone was giving a dog away. She drove out to this little farm, where she met Sasha, a black lab-rottweiler mutt with an instantly charming personality. In the truck she went, back to the Bay Area.
It turned out that Sasha had heartworm; the people on the farm most likely gave her away because they couldn’t afford to treat it. My mom paid the bills.
Everyone says that their dog is the best dog ever. But Sasha really was. Everyone who ever met her was totally enchanted. She was a monster, almost a hundred pounds, who would crawl in your lap like she was a chihuahua.
I used to sleep on the couch when I was sick. Sasha would always come and lie on the ground right next to the couch. Just to be close.
She would lie in that same spot next to the couch under my dad’s legs when he would watch TV, his feet propped up on the coffee table. He stepped on her all the time. It drove him crazy. But he always let her lie there.
My sister and I used to joke that Sasha thought Ariel’s name was “Food” and my name was “Walk.” When we lived together, Sasha would wait by the front door for me to come home, knowing I would take her out right when I got back. Those were hard times for me, but no matter how depressed I was, I could count on watching Sasha frolic through the East Bay hills to lift my spirits. I’ve never seen any other creature show so much joy doing anything. It was infectious.
She liked chasing squirrels. She caught them sometimes. That was a mess.
She had a thunderous bark, but most of the time she talked to us in a patter of vocal roo roos. I remember when the family took a two week trip to Spain, and when we came back she exploded in a burst of those noises that communicated her message better than any human speech ever could: Don’t ever leave me again.
That’s a member of the family
So why does she get to leave us now?
We never knew exactly how old Sasha was, but she had six years worth of registration tags on the collar she came with, so I always figured she was six back then. So she made it to sixteen. I’ve never known another dog that size who lived that long.
Sasha reminded me of Lara, in that they were both incredibly stubborn and full of life. When an ICU doctor told us Lara wasn’t going to make it through the night, she survived another month. A year ago, Sasha had a stroke, and the vet told us she might not walk again. We wondered if we should put her down. And then, in the vet’s office, she stood up and started walking around. The vet was flabbergasted. She lived for another year.
They’re both gone now
There are maybe five people in my life I loved as much as I loved that dog. A couple of them are dead now, too.
I have a “Grief” category on this blog. How fucked up is that?
I was back home for a visit just last week. I took Sasha for a couple of short walks, just around the block by my mom’s house. She let out a roo roo when she saw me go for the leash. She couldn’t go far, but she still had a bounce in her step, at least for the first couple of minutes outside. When I said good bye to her on Sunday night, right before I took the red eye back to New York, I knelt down on the floor and put my forehead on hers and told her I loved her. I wish I’d laid down and given her a big hug—like on the Christmas Eve a few years ago when I came home hammered and passed out next to her on the dog bed—but I just didn’t want to believe it was the last time I’d see her. The holidays were just a couple of months away. She made it sixteen years. What were two more months?
I usually edit these things before I post them. Not this one. I think a chaotic, incoherent remembrance of someone you love is fine, because doesn’t that sum up this fucked up, nonsensical existence of ours? There’s no narrative that I can see, except one day you’re here, the next day you’re not.
Also, I really don’t want to read over this again.
Those puppy dog eyes
RIP, Sasha. There will never be another dog like you. I love you more than these silly words could ever say.
Ryan Adams released his first album in three years last month, and the music media and the internet went a bit nuts about it. This is somewhat understandable. Adams has been considered one of America’s best contemporary songwriters since the release of Heartbreaker in 2000, and he was so prolific early in his career that he battled with his record company because they wouldn’t release all his material.
Of course, he also struggled with drugs and alcohol throughout that time, and developed a relationship with the music media that was what you’d call—if you want to be charitable—combative. (For the record, I don’t blame him for this: Most music writers are hipster trolls.) But for the last few years the production dried up, as Adams struggled with an inner ear condition called Ménière’s disease.
So there was palpable excitement when he released his self-titled album—the first since 2011’s excellent Ashes & Fire—and backed it up with a tour that included headling shows at the Newport Folk Festival and Hardly Strictly Bluegrass, the kinds of gigs he refused to play for years. He also did the most media outreach he’s done since … maybe ever? In one of these interviews, with Buzzfeed, he said he doesn’t like country music and basically disavowed Whiskeytown. This honestly kinda pissed me off, because I love Whiskeytown, and Heartbreaker is No. 2 on my Desert Island Albums list. It turns out that sometimes it’s a mistake to listen to what your favorite artists have to say about their own work.
But I was still excited for the new album. And then I listened to it and my first reaction was kinda … meh. It was fine, but it sounded pretty ’80s—definitely not my preferred decade for music—and my favorite song on it, My Wrecking Ball, was exactly the kind of song that would have fit on Stranger’s Almanac or Heartbreaker.
I know that wrecking ball metaphor is a little tired, but I still really dig this tune (which Adams told the crowd at Newport he wrote for his recently deceased grandmother), and I definitely had an impulse to say, “Do more of that, goddammit.” Also, “Get a haircut, you fucking hippie.”
Still, I figured I shouldn’t dismiss the album out of hand, so I’ve given it a bunch of listens since then, and I have to admit that it’s grown on me. The sound is ’80s, but it’s pleasingly so—it’s been compared by pretty much everyone to late-’70s/early-’80s Tom Petty records, and I think that’s pretty good benchmark. In particular, the lead guitar on Trouble sounds like it could have been played by Mike Campbell, and Stay With Me reminds me of the Petty-Stevie Nicks collaboration Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around. After Wrecking Ball, my favorite tune on the record is probably Shadows, a haunting tune of love dissolving that features some pretty clinical tremolo guitar work. (Is it possible to be clinical with a trem bar?) I also very much like Feels Like Fire; listen to the chorus and tell me it doesn’t remind you of another ’80s icon—Chris Isaak.
On the whole, I’d give the album a “B.” It’s not on the level of Heartbreaker, Cold Roses, or Love Is Hell, and I slightly prefer the most recent album, Ashes & Fire, but Ryan Adams is a worthy addition to the catalog.
One more note: I probably would have gone back to SF for Hardly Strictly Bluegrass last weekend anyway (y’all know I love that shit), but Adams being the headliner Friday clinched that decision. I’m happy to report he put on a great show, with a mix of old hits—Oh My Sweet Carolina, Come Pick Me Up, New York, New York—and tracks from the new album. Also, if you’ve never seen him live, Adams might be the funniest motherfucker in all of pop music, as he showed by ad-libbing a song about a guy that had some balloons in the middle of the crowd—an insane sea of people—and actually turning it into a pretty rockin’ jam.
Yeah, Ryan’s still got the goods. And, as always, Hardly Strictly rules.
I’m not going to give myself an award this week, but I would like to note that I have a legitimate reason for posting my recap three days late. I watched Niners-Chiefs on Sunday afternoon lying on my mom’s couch, nursing a pretty solid Hardly Strictly Bluegrass hangover. Then I got straight on a red-eye flight from Oakland to New York, went to work Monday morning, and spent the next couple of nights drinking heavily and watching the San Francisco Giants advance to the NLCS.
Oh yeah, the Dodgers lost too. I gotta say it was a good day.
Enough excuses. On to the awards for the Niners’ 22-17 victory over the Chiefs.
The Joe Montana Award (Coolest Player on the Field): Phil Dawson
Once again, the Niners offense left tons of points on the field because they couldn’t cash in with touchdowns in Chiefs territory. They got away with it because Phil Dawson went five-for-five on field goals, including two from beyond 50 yards. For the record, this is the second time in his two years with the Niners that Dawson has won From A Brooklyn Basement’s most prestigious football award.
The Patrick Willis Award (Player Who Most Resembles Patrick Willis for his Ability to Kill Motherfuckers): Patrick Willis
P-Willy led the team in tackles with eight on Sunday. That’s not an overwhelming number by his All-Pro standards, but by the eye test, he was all over the field, and he absolutely destroyed Jamaal Charles with a stick that had me cackling with glee. I can’t find the highlight, but here’s a reasonable reenactment.
Kill that motherfucker, Patrick Willis.
The Dwight Clark Award (Player Who Makes an Insanely Athletic, Clutch Catch): Brandon Lloyd
Of all the weapons the Niners added to their offense this season, Brandon Lloyd was the one I was least sanguine about. He’s had a few good season, but has been inconsistent throughout his career, was out of football last year, and is less than a month younger than me (note: I am old). Even at his best, Lloyd was never a speed burner, but he always had the ability to pull off crazy catches, and he turned in a couple of beauties in this game. The prettiest, and clutchest, came early in the fourth quarter, just three plays after the Niners converted a fake punt. On third and 10, Colin Kaepernick threw deep down the left sideline, and Lloyd leaped up in front of KC cornerback Sean Smith and made an insane, Lynn Swann–esque catch for 29 yards and a first down. A couple of minutes later, a Dawson field goal gave the Niners a lead they would not relinquish.
Incredible. But you know what? There was a San Francisco player who made a ridiculous catch this week that was even more clutch than Lloyd’s…
The Dwight Clark/Willie Mays Award (Player Who Makes an Insanely Athletic, Clutch Catch): Hunter Pence
HUNTER PENCE HATES WALGREENS
The Kyle Williams Award (Player Most Responsible for Defeat): Andy Reid and Alex Smith
Thanks to Andy Reid for your usual shitty clock management and for only giving Jamaal Charles, far and away your best player and a guy who absolutely murdered the Patriots on Monday night, only 15 carries, especially when he was averaging more than 5 yards a pop. And thanks to Alex Smith for sailing your final throw high for a classic Alex Smith game-sealing interception. Thanks for the memories, buddy!
The Al Davis Award (dysfunctional football team): The Santa Clara Raiders
There wasn’t too much Santa Clara Raiders stuff in this game. The Niners had just two penalties for 10 yards, and the fake punt was a gutsy call that was arguably the biggest play in the game. Settling for field goals instead of cashing in for touchdowns is the big problem, but since we’ve been dealing with that for four years, I don’t feel like talking about it right now. One guy I will pick on: My least favorite Niner ever, Chris Culliver, who not only sucks at playing cornerback, but on the Chiefs’ third quarter touchdown hit De’Anthony Thomas as he crossed the goal line and then stood over him talking shit. Hey, Cully: Thomas scored a touchdown. He did his job. You’re supposed to stop him. You failed at your job. Fucking idiot.
Pretty much every one of my buddies said the same thing after that game: “We suck, but at least we won.” That’s about the same reaction I had last week, so this gets the same rating: four Anchors.
For the record, the Giants’ win over the Nationals would have gotten nine Anchors, but it’s downgraded to four because Madison Bumgarner traded five of them for Budweisers.
I approve of your technique, sir, if not your chosen beverage
Longtime friends of mine know that I’m a big baseball fan. As much as I love the Niners—sometimes to the exclusion of just about everything else in my life—and as much as I get crazy excited for hoops to return every year, baseball is still my first love. However, as longtime followers of this blog (both of them) know, I don’t have enough time to watch as many baseball games as I’d like. During the middle aughts, I would attend 20 A’s and Giants games a year, watch them on TV almost every other night, and devour as much of the baseball writing on the internet as I could. Sadly, the onset of me having something that resembles a real career has drastically curtailed my baseball consumption, so most of my baseball “analysis” has descended to the gut level, unresearched, old-school truthiness that I would have scoffed at ten years ago.
Does that stop me from writing a playoff preview? Absolutely not! This year I even managed to watch a game every week or so, so I at least have some idea of how the A’s and Giants are shaping up (spoiler alert: not well). So whereas last year my baseball playoff preview was 100% uninformed, this year I’m clocking in at a cool 90% lack of knowledge. Take these picks to Vegas, folks.
A’s vs. Royals (AL Wild Card)
Oh, sad times in the East Bay. Back in July, the A’s, then the team with the best record in baseball, made an all-in trade to get two starters, Jeff Samardzija and Jason Hammel, for the stretch run and playoffs. Then, a few weeks later, they went and made another insane trade, dealing slugging outfielder Yoenis Cespedes for Red Sox ace Jon Lester. Lester has pitched well for the A’s, but everything else went wrong, starting with the offense becoming completely incapable of scoring runs (this was mostly due to injuries, but you’ll never convince me they didn’t miss Cespedes). The team fell apart, eventually losing the division to the Angels by 11 games and needing a Sonny Gray shutout on Sunday to avoid a Game 163 playoff with the Seattle Mariners. Now the A’s travel to Kansas City to play a single elimination game against a Royals team that just broke the longest playoff drought in North American sports. Each team has its ace lined up to start, with Lester going against James Shields. As such, I see a low-scoring game, one in which Shields and KC’s flamethrowing bullpen are just a bit better than Lester, and the Royals are able to scratch out a couple of small ball runs en route to a 2-1 victory. I’ll be sad for all my A’s fan buddies, but I’ll be happy for Rany.
Royals vs. Angels (ALDS)
The Angles had the best record in baseball this season, led by outfielder Mike Trout, aka the best player since Barry Bonds. But you know what? I believe in the old adage that pitching wins in the postseason (even if studies have shown that isn’t strictly true), and the Angels’ rotation is thin thanks to injuries, in particularly a gruesome injury that ended ace Garrett Richards’ season. What’s more, I just love Kansas City’s power arms, and I think they’re exactly the kind of team that can shut down the Los Angeles Angels of Toluca Lake. (Or is that Topanga Canyon? Is this joke outdated? Screw it, I don’t care.) So I’m saying Royals in four.
Tigers vs. Orioles (ALDS)
This one’s easy. The Orioles had a marvelous season, but Detroit will roll out Max Scherzer, Justin Verlander, and David Price. (I know Verlander struggled this year, but will anyone be surprised if he comes out and throws a shutout this weekend? The guy’s a fucking Terminator.)
Just put a number 35 jersey on him
The bottom line is, none of the starters the Orioles will send to the hill in this series would crack the Tigers’ playoff rotation. That’s a problem, and that’s the reason the Tigers are taking this series 3-0.
Royals vs. Tigers (ALCS)
Not many people would have predicted the ALCS would feature two teams from the Central Division. I was going to pick the Tigers thanks to their experience and superior starters—I had actually written my pick out already—but you know what? To hell with that. The Tigers have had their chances over the last few years, and it’s time for the Kauffman Stadium waterfalls to crash the World Series. (You like this in-depth analysis?) Royals in Six.
I’ve always thought KC’s ballpark is underrated
Giants vs. Pirates (NL Wild Card)
The Giants were the best team in baseball for two months, then proceeded to go swimming in the Gowanus Canal for two months, before finally righting the ship juuuuuuust enough to snag a Wild Card. They’re missing magic talisman Angel Pagan, Pablo Sandoval has been terrible of late, and with Michael Morse still hurt I honestly have no idea who is starting in left field for them on Wednesday. Other than Buster Posey rediscovering his MVP form in the second half and Madison Bumgarner toeing the rubber, there’s no reason to expect them to beat Andrew McCutchen (probably the best player in the NL) and the Pirates at PNC Park. Well, there’s also this: The Giants own the Pirates’ souls. Grant Brisbee has written about this often at McCovey Chronicles, but to sum up quickly, the Pirates became a 20-year dumpster fire after Barry Bonds left Pittsburgh for San Francisco.
BONDS!!!
In that time, the Giants also fleeced the Pirates for Jason Schmidt, Freddy Sanchez, Javier Lopez, and even Ryan Vogelsong (a former Giants prospect they originally traded for Schmidt). Bonds won five MVPs, Schmidt was an ace, and each of the other three guys contributed to a Giants World Series win in either 2010 or 2012. The Pirates? Dumpster fire. The ownage continues, as the Giants win 4-3 in Pittsburgh.
UPDATE: It was just pointed out to me that Travis Ishikawa will likely start in left field for the Giants. The onetime San Francisco prospect started this season on the Pirates, but was released on April 23. You know he’s getting a clutch hit in this game. Now I’m even more sure of this pick.
Giants vs. Nationals (NLDS)
You know how I wrote about how the Giants own Pittsburgh up there? Well, the history isn’t as long, but the Nats have routinely destroyed the Giants over the last four years (SF is 9-17 against the Nats in that time, and I honestly thought it was worse)—and they also have a deep lineup that’s only gotten better in the second half with Bryce Harper finally breaking out of a long funk, and a lights-out rotation headed by Stephen Strasburg and Jordan Zimmermann (who threw a no-hitter on Sunday). To be honest, I’d be surprised if the Giants win a game in this series. So I’m picking a Nationals sweep.
Cardinals vs. Dodgers (NLDS)
Nice matchup of classic teams with beautiful uniforms, not to mention two of the franchises I hate most in sports. I’m saying Dodgers in 5, but all I really want is for these teams and their fans to suffer.
Dodgers vs. Nationals(NLCS)
The Nats are the one team in the NL that can match, perhaps even top, the Dodgers’ high-end pitching. This would be an epic series between two deep, talented teams, a series that would be really fun to watch—except I won’t even watch it because I’ll be bitter about the Nats beating the Giants, and because fuck the Dodgers. Nationals in six. Fuck the Dodgers.
Royals vs. Nats (World Series)
I think this would be a pretty fresh, fun World Series. I also think that KC would be totally overmatched, and as I predicted back in March, the Nationals will win the World Series. Let’s say in five games, with Anthony Rendon as Series MVP.
From a Brooklyn Basement 
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